I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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