she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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