She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
