i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i love accidental penises.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I want a musical about memes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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