Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
