i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
