he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
