Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
