...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
