Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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