They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
