I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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