The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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