You just made me feel so damn special
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
