I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
