dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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