i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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