There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
