The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I am morally bankrupt
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
