i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
