we have officially lost it.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
