I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
