You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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