I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
