He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
