I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize