I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
