good thing vaginas are great cup holders
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
