god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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