Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
