I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
