My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
