S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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