In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
