i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
