yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
