just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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