I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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