Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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