We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize