I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
