white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
