What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
