Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
