Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
