Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
