You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
