i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
