Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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