Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
