we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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