shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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