It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
