I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
