i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
