Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize