Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
