I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
