You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
