I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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