Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
