So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
