Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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