Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
