I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
