I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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