Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
