I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
