you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
and you fell through a lawn chair
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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