dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
