I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
