i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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