dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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