Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
