i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
