He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
