You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
