It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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